I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been told that my family not respecting me was because I was doing something wrong. I’ve been told I need to put my foot down, I’m not giving enough consequences, that I need to delegate tasks better. I’ve been told I should read a parenting book or listen to a parenting podcast. I’ve even been told to cut my hubby off from “sexy time” until he smartens up.
Why does their lack of respect only reflect negatively on my house management skills? Why is it that I must delegate tasks to an adult that’s been on this earth 11 years longer than I have, who has had children for 8 years longer than I have. An adult that is aware of what needs to be done to run a household but simply choses to ignore it, knowing that I will pick up the slack. The slack that is never considered slack to my family. It’s just considered my job. If the time did come where they picked up their garbage, or wiped down a counter, or allowed me to sleep for ten extra minutes in the morning, they expect praise. Oh, if my hubby cleaned an entire room once he would expect compliments, awe, and a god damn parade in his honor. Enough.
I am tired of being the nag, I’m tired of being the doormat, and I’m tired of being the only one who isn’t allowed to ignore responsibilities.
Where is this lack of respect and sense of entitlement coming from?
Why is it that I am the only one expected to keep this household of six people clean, tidy and running smoothly?
Is it because I’m home all day so the general expectation is that I take care of everything in and around this house? Maybe.
Sometimes I feel like my family has this vision of me spending my days sitting on the couch munching bon bons, and watching trash talk shows all day.
In reality, it means I’m chasing around my one year old, folding laundry, organizing my hubbys work schedule, taking the dog for a walk, picking the other kids up from school, planning weekends, and maybe perusing social media in the midst of my daily chores.
Have I not worked hard enough in their eyes to deserve respect?
This is a question I ask myself all the time, and I hate that I do.
As a mom, I constantly feel like I’m not enough. I’m not doing enough, I’m not being maternal enough, I don’t play with my kids enough, I don’t clean enough, I don’t make enough healthy home made dinners. This guilt is magnified when I am constantly needing to beg for any kind of help every single day. Am I asking to much? Am I just lazy? Why can’t I manage to do this without support? Why can’t I convince my family that I am deserving of a helping hand?
I’ve been struggling with these questions for a while and I have to keep telling myself over and over. Its not a “me” problem, it’s a “them” problem. It is something that only they can change. No amount of wasted energy, sleepless nights, and quiet fury will change it. While I’m waiting for them to figure their shit out, I have to start to focus on respecting myself. I have to start respecting that large weight that is put on my shoulders, and respecting the fact that I am doing it, with help or without. If I allow myself to respect the amazingly hard job I do and respect all of the daily things I accomplish then maybe they will fall into line and start respecting me too.